Wrong Legolas!
by Child of Magick
Summary: What if there was another Elf named Legolas? What if the Mary-Sues went for him instead? One-shot.


Random Rambling: When I was watching ROTK for the third time yesterday, I saw this one bit and couldn't stop laughing. Which isn't good, caused people turn to stare at you when you're laughing at a pretty serious part...  
  
It's when they're talking about fighting before the Black Gates to draw out Sauron's army so that Frodo and Sam can make it to Mount Doom. Not too long after Gandalf says 'Frodo has passed from my sight', there's this close-up of Legolas and Eomer standing next to each other. It seriously looks as though they are having a competition to see which one can look more broody.  
  
Disclaimer: We all know the song and dance. Not mine. Not yours. Glad that's over.  
  
Anywho...I apologize in advance for this little gem. It's been running through my head for days, and the little demon that has a corner in the back of my mind kept pushing me to post it. So....Here we go!!  
  
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Wrong Legolas!!  
  
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I have been thinking about the millions of Rachels (I being one), Megans, Jessicas, and others I have met in the course of my eighteen years. It seems impossible that, no matter how unique your name, there is someone else on this Earth who shares that name. And I began to wonder... Does Middle-Earth have this problem?  
  
What if another she-Elf, knowing nothing of the Prince of Mirkwood, named her son Greenleaf as well? What is he was the complete opposite of the Legolas we have come to know and love so well?  
  
And what if the fan-girls went after him instead...  
  
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Prince Legolas Greenleaf was enjoying a peaceful journey of slaying Orcs with his longtime mortal friend Aragorn. The pair were a long way from Mirkwood and Rivendell, their respective homes. But they didn't mind this. It had been far too long since they had seen each other, and the killing of Orcs was such a nice way to relax....  
  
In Bree, Gary the Gatekeeper was sitting in his small office, bemoaning his fate and glaring at the mug of ale that sat before him as though this was all its fault.  
  
~I never wanted to be a gatekeeper. I only wanted to find meself a wife, raise a few brats, and bake pastries for the townsfolk. But noooo. That other gatekeeper had to go and die of old age on us! How unfair. And they asked *me* to do it! To sit here all day and open the door for people who think I hate them because I ask all these questions...And I always have to work nights! How am I ever going to find a wife like this?*  
  
The poor Man was pulled from his reverie by a loud pounding at the door. "Let me in!" he heard a voice crying. "By all that you hold dear, I demand that you let me in!"  
  
Gary let out a groan as he got to his feet. ~And they are always so rude. Hmpf! People these days...~  
  
He quickly shuffled to the gate and peered out. Two girls stood there. One was dressed in a regal gown and held herself proudly, while the other was weighted down by what seemed to be matched luggage. "What do you want?" he asked wearily, ready for the angry response.  
  
"We are seeking someone, and if you do not let us in this instance..."  
  
"All right, all right," he muttered to himself as he swung open the heavy gate. "Don't throw a tantrum.  
  
Once the gate was opened, he was able to get a better look at the two. "Who are you?" he asked, not recognizing anything familiar about the girls' clothing. ~So they're not from Gondor or Rohan...~  
  
The first girl, who had long, dark hair held in place by a silver circlet, bristled at this and stared at Gary with piercing blue eyes. "I am known as Sara, Princess of a far-away land. This is my loyal servant Rachel."  
  
AT the mention of her name, the other girl perked up. Eyes green as a cat's peered out from behind a curtain of red bangs. "I like Haldir," she said happily.  
  
"Yes, we know," Sara growled before turning back to Gary. "We have traveled the width and breadth of this land seeking for the fair Legolas."  
  
Gary blinked at her. ~Fair? Since when do people call Legolas 'fair'? He's anything but! Oh, well. This girl did say she was from a far-away land.~ "Then you have come to the right place, Your Highness. For he is here, at the Prancing Pony."  
  
Sara blinked at him. "Here?" she said, wrinkling her nose. "He is staying in such filth?"  
  
It was Gary's turn to blink. ~Hey! I *live* here, you know!~  
  
Before he could voice his protests, however, her eyes suddenly lit up. "Oh, I know! He must be here with his good friend Strider! Come, Rachel. Let us go find my husband to be." And with that, she strode past the stunned Gary.  
  
With a long suffering sigh and a muffled something that sounded like 'Why don't we go to Lothlorien and find Haldir?' she followed the Princess.  
  
Gary just shook his head. ~I don't understand why these girls keep showing up determined to find and marry Legolas. I don't think even an Orc would want to marry him! Oh well. She did say she was from a far-away land. Perhaps they hold different customs...~  
  
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Sara was nearly shaking with excitement. Finally, it seemed as though all her dreams were about to come true!  
  
It had all started when she had wished upon a star to go to Middle-Earth. When she had found herself there along with her best friend---as a Princess, no less!---it felt like she was in Heaven. All that she lacked was the beautiful Prince of Mirkwood.  
  
"He's here, Rachel," she said with a giggle. "Soon, I will have Legolas! He will see me and fall hopelessly in love. Then we shall be wed and live happily ever after."  
  
The red head let out a sigh. "Sara, how many times do I have to tell you that the real Legolas is nothing like the one you've seen? Peter Jackson took Book Legolas and gave him Ritlin. Let's go find Haldir. He's much better looking, I know."  
  
Sara gave her a critical look. "Haldir is *not* better looking. Besides, he's dead."  
  
"Only in the movies. Not in the books."  
  
"That's what you get for reading the books! They're wrong. They've poisoned your mind. The movies are what's real."  
  
Rachel gave another sigh but said nothing. She knew that if she did not stop it here, the two would go on for hours.  
  
Suddenly, Sara squealed with delight and grabbed her friends arm, nearly causing Rachel to drop the luggage. "Oh, there it is! He's in there!"  
  
With that she picked up her skirts---~I hope I'm not too dirty!~---and ran inside the Prancing Pony. "Legolas!" she cried, bursting through the door. "Where are you, my sweet? Legolas!"  
  
"Oy!" came a call from the back, and a hand was raised in the air. "No reason to shout. I'm back here."  
  
Eyes shinning, Sara made her way through the crowd in the direction of the hand. She was too excited to realize that the voice was not as melodious as she had thought, and that he had spoken a bit rudely.  
  
Rachel was having trouble navigating through the opening with all of Sara's stuff, and with a shout 'Oof!' she tripped and fell to the floor, the luggage going everywhere.  
  
"Here," came a soft voice, tinged with amusement. "Let me help you with that."  
  
Rachel looked up to see a hooded and cloaked figure kneel down beside her and offer gentle hands to help her up. She didn't miss the sparkle of kind eyes from the shadows of the hood, nor did she miss the long silver hair or pointed ears....  
  
In the back of the Inn, Sara's eyes were sweeping the crowd eagerly, but she could find no sign of the golden-haired prince. "Legolas? Legolas, where are you?"  
  
"I'm right here," came an irritable voice as someone stood up. "And I told you to keep it down!"  
  
Sara blinked at the figure in front of her. He was an Elf, there was no doubt. But he *couldn't* be Legolas! His hair and eyes were brown, and his face was covered in scars. She could easily tell that his nose had been broken more than once. His clothes were torn and dirty, hardly fitting for a prince.  
  
"You lie!" she cried, suddenly feeling scared. "Where is he? You cannot possibly be my prince!"  
  
He didn't answer, simply looked her up and down in a way that normally made her very uncomfortable. "You're prettier than most of the others," he said, walking around her as though she was a horse for sell. "Skinny, and I like the hair. A little flat-chested, but that's nothing we can't work around." A grin twisted his face as the people around him laughed.  
  
Sara's face heated up. How *dare* he make a mockery of her!  
  
"Sara!" came Rachel's happy voice. "Sara, looky! Look who I found!"  
  
Sara whirled around to face her best friend, demanding to know what was going on. Rachel was a big Tolkien freak. She could explain this!  
  
But her plan died when she saw the giddy look on the red head's face, and the figure that was trailing after her. It could be no one other than Haldir.  
  
She turned to see the terrible Elf that stood before her, then back to the beautiful Elf who was now holding the hand of her best friend and something snapped. With a loud scream, she fled from the Inn, leaving Rachel---and her matched luggage---behind.  
  
Rachel watched her go with a frown. "I wonder what got into her?"  
  
With a laugh, Haldir turned to the dark-haired Elf. "Did she get you mixed up with the prince, too?"  
  
"Yeah," Legolas replied as he sat back down and picked up his mug of ale. "I'm seriously thinking about getting my name changed."  
  
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Gary didn't even bother to look surprised as the Princess Sara came flying past him, screaming that her life was over and that it was so unfair. He just winced as he heard her crash through the gate, then sigh as he went back to his game of stones. ~Oh, well. There goes another one....~  
  
THE END 


End file.
